Saturday, April 21, 2007

Media rundown and other stuff

Okay, here's the first part:

Watching: On DVD- The Lost Room, Venture Bros. season 2, and Ultraman. On TV- Supernatural, Smallville, Stargate SG-1 and Jericho, with Heroes once again starting Monday night. By other means- Doctor Who season 3.
Listening (to): Various MP3s, podcasts, and Coast to Coast shows.
Reading: Sadly, nothing these past few weeks.
Playing: The Hobbit.

Basically, for the past few weeks I've been stressing out over work, my life, and my potential new job which looks more than potential and more like starts when all the paperwork is done. The realization that I'm about to turn 36 and am on the road to "pushing 40" has made me play my hand, and finally dig in. I'm too old to be living the way that I am, and it's time to put the "childish things" behind me. (Although, directly behind me, hiding like.)

During the past 10 years since I moved back here, I've spent the majority of them becoming a hermit. My once social self is pretty anti-social now, and I think that's been the one thing that's eaten me the most. From my understanding of it, there's a Taoist concept that if you don't live the life that you're supposed to, that you poison your soul and karma, and it kills you after time. While I don't necessarily subscribe to that exact concept, I do think that if you can't be yourself, then you won't live long. There's way too much stress involved in not enjoying life, and it's especially bad when you let life get away from you. This is what happened to me.

Somewhere along the line, I just gave up and coasted. I think it may have been the fourth time I unsuccessfully tried to move back to Toronto that did it. If I were to subscribe to it, I'd probably have to say that I'm not intended to move back... at least not yet. I need to get to a point where I control my destiny again, and it looks like I'm on that road again.

I'm looking forward for the new challenge in my life, as for once, I actually feel confident about it. Sure, I have some doubts, but those are the doubts that anyone has and I won't let them consume me. Once I have my hands on the wheel again, I'll be unstoppable and I won't hopefully repeat the mistakes of my past. Now that it looks like I'll have a steady income, I sense that my confidence will return, and with that confidence return, I sense that my health will too. I need to shed the 70 or so pounds I've put on over the past decade, and dammit I'm going to do it.

Oh yeah, and I shout out to Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer for making my week with Season 2 of the Venture Bros.

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