Dyson's Fear 3.0

The lack of activity

Heh, where to start.

The past three months have been hellish, each with it's own separate, yet interconnected, issue. April was losing my job. May was losing a friendship. June is losing my mind trying to get enrolled in school for the fall, and losing my patience with the government retraining programs.

Losing my job was a good thing, it's inspired me to go back to school, and finally take control of my life. I've been struggling for far too long, and it's good to actually have something to look forward to. I haven't had that in ages, and as frightening as the ordeal is, it's going to work out in the end. I've learned to get over my own bias and an irrational fear of a stigma from my highschool days. It's amazing the baggage you keep without realizing it.

Losing the friendship, while pretty crappy, is ultimately a good thing as I realize that it was something destructive and toxic. I turned to the wrong person, at the wrong time, and it was hurting me far more than it helped. The tragic thing is that the friend doesn't even understand the issues involved, or at least, doesn't want to and blames it all on me. (In fact, they've accused me of making it all up.) I hope that someday, when things are better for both of us, that a friendship can be redeveloped, but I have my doubts. It's one of those cases where they'll have to hit bottom in order to get what happened, and I doubt that they will, or worse, that there will be nothing left of them to recognize when it happens. I still can hope, though.

Finally, this whole experience with the retraining folks is pretty counter intuitive and feels largely counter productive. It almost feels as if they're trying to discourage you from getting help from them as there are large gaps in the process that just don't make sense. With luck and perseverance , I'll have everything out of the way by early July, and I will be fully funded for fall. My only other gripe is that it's difficult to manage on a low, fixed income.

Anyways, that's the reason why, in a nutshell, I haven't really been updating this place. I suspect that once things settle down, that I'll be back on a more regular basis, but for now... it's all on hiatus.

Labels: personal crap

posted by Jason @ 11:29 PM